Timeline of Heroin Binge
by Nathan Thompson
1. Anticipation – Call is made to dealer and meeting point arranged
2. Disappointment – when realizing the dealer is going to turn up whenever the hell he wants and there’s nothing you can do about it
3. Almost Painful Amounts of Anticipation – the drugs are procured and you are waiting for a suitable opportunity (read: toilet) to use
4. Initial High – endorphin bath, the world is beautiful, there is nothing you can’t do, no fear, no worry
5. Chasing Initial High – doing more hoping to get the initial rush back, which doesn’t work but makes sure the effects last a long time
6. Annoying Physical Impairments – inability to piss, defecate, ejaculate etc.
7. Annoying Mental Impairments – clumsyness, inability to concentrate, confusion
8. Full blown reality dissipation – The heroin world is now more real than the real world. You think you are behaving normally but you are not
9. Decision to Come Down – this is made while high and the enormity of it does not register due to mental confusion previously mentioned
10. Heroin begins to leave the system – less mental confusion now but more depression
11. Heroin Rapidly Leaving System – the world is a cold dark place, everything is ugly and my life is pointless. The 5 stages of grief begin with denial and depression
12. Why cant everyone leave me alone?? Stage 3: Anger
13. Huge, toilet destroying turds
14. Return of appetite
15. Realization that reality is not that bad and there are things to live for, stage 5: Acceptance (NB. I skipped ‘Bargaining’ as it has no relevance)
16. Gratitude that all heroin is now out of system combined with the deluded belief that it will never happen again
Confessions of a Heroin Addict 
Great stuff, never ever heard the circle of grip use put into words swell deserving.
Bargaining:
If i go to that appointment today i’ll allow myself a hit, just one more hit, a little reward really, not a continuation, but an isolated little treat for being good…
Going thru ur old blogs. This one is bang on
Thank you!
I hate the fact that I can relate to what you write with a sense of knowng like I know my own name. A sense of reality and full engagement I can liken to the day I gave birth to my childen. With a sick sense of longing And desire of anticipation similar to the realization of a first love. I knew I was a true heroin addict when i could relate to the lifestyle and realized that MY logical brain was following in the footsteps of others I knew to be addicts and once felt some sense of superiority over. It didnt take long for me to realize that I was no better or worse, just a member of a club where all the participants were sick and suffering from the same illness. Knowing that If I dont find some way to free myself, as only I am able to do, I will meet my maker well before I once anticipated that I would. The reality of which has been based solely on the decisions I have made. My choice to destroy my own life and the lives of whomever still has the capacity to care about me ( a select few individuals, I am sure, because the very nature of MY illness will dictate that I isolate myself away from anyone who has ever reached out to offer a kind word or a helping hand. THEY have to make the choice to love me from a distance or write me off as a lost cause…a wasted effort at the all knowing hands of a merciful GOD). I am not a piece of junk. My life and experiences do have value. Everything happens for a reason. This is what I tell myself. It is what I have to hold on to so that I can make it just one more day. These thoughts and acknowledgements must keep me warm at night and satiate my thirst and hunger for what ails my spirit.
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I don’t know how much this will matter but, my older brother is a heroin addict and I really could not understand him nor could I let go of all the anger I felt towards him. While I was searching the web for some kind of hope or some way to deal with his addiction, I came across your blog. Simply reading it makes me understand him so much more. I think this was the answer I was looking for and I just wanted to say thank you. I am at least a small step closer to forgiving my brother because I am a step closer to understanding him.
thanks for your comment. At the end of the day heroin addicts are suffering from a form of mental illness. Remember, they suffer as much if not more than anyone. My route out of it was rehab – 12 step groups – Vipassana meditation course – yoga and a lot of support from my family. Love to you x